The sweet really isn't as sweet without the sour

"I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love..."
-Carrie in Sex and the City

This quote is too close to home for so many of us, even for those who like to pretend that they don't believe in fairy tale romances, those who believe that there is no such thing as soul mates and the closest thing to love at first sight is lust at first sight... We all (whether we want to admit it or not) crave, need, and chase after this unconditional-crazy love, the type of love that most of us have only observed in elaborate Hollywood or Bollywood movies. However, the saddest part about this chase for ridiculous, inconvenient, can’t-live-without-you love is that most of us give up after a certain number of failed romances, heartaches, or worse—we give up when we feel we’re getting too old, we think we should just settle and choose Mr. or Ms. Can-do, rather than holding out and waiting for that person that makes your knees buckles, that captures you with not only a single glance, but who also inspires you with their words and every single movement. A person whose heart captures you more than their physical being… Maybe this is too much to ask, and we all should just settle with someone who is semi-attractive, can provide a good family-life for us, and can make us laugh on occasion—maybe we should just settle with Mr. or Ms. Can-do and just get our fill for crazy, all-consuming love from film and television… maybe, but I guess I’m not so eager to throw in my towel just yet… maybe I’m still willing to get my heart broken a couple of more times, suffer a little more heartache… maybe I’m just crazy enough to risk a little more in hopes that one day I will find that can't-live-without-each-other, consuming, inconvenient, and ridiculous love… the myth that I’ve only seen in movies thus far—REAL love.

** In case you guys are wondering this was the outcome of many, many, MANY recent attempts to set me up with possible marriage potentials by my family and friends... gotta love them for trying, but you gotta love a girl for trying to fufill her fiary tale dreams as well

It's been so long since I've written anything in here... jeez, so much has changed and happend! I'm in London right now, at my school's library, and I should be writting an essay, but instead I am writting in my Xanga... lol I guess somethings never change! I will always be a procastinator, but what are you gonna do  

Yesterday I was having alot of issues (yes it was boy troubles, boyfriends can be such assholes some times, lol) but I needed to get out and clear my head, so instead of going to the library and doing my essay as planned I took the tube down to the river and went to tower bridge, london bridge, and by Petticoat market. I found a great part on Tower Bridge and sat there and wrote in my journal and just people watched for a really long time (and of course ate some ice cream lol), and then it hit me... it's already May!! I have to leave London in a month!! Jeez, where has the time gone?!?! Time goes by so freaking fast... so fast... I am going to miss the city of London so much, I am going to miss the fact that when I need to clear my head I can just catch the tube or walk to St. Jame's park, Trafalguar square, the National Gallery, or by the river somewhere, I am going to miss my AMAZING friends, the ones that have stayed up with me till 5 Am when I am having a fight with Anz, My friends that I can get competely Smashed with and will stop 3 times in the span of 15 minutes becuase I have to go to the bathroom that many times, The friends that will come over with choclate after I had a crappy ass date, or the friends that will listen to me go on and on about the Italian (pre-anz of course lol) I will miss friends that I can get lost with in ghetto parts of zone 3, while following shady ass French and South African guys, lol  I am going to miss our Hyde Park picnics, Euro Trash Parties, Getting together after a really drunken night and finding out who did what and who made out with wich Butler boy, lol Eric has gotten waaaay too much Ass!!! I am going to miss THE LANDWARD, wine runs to Somerfields, Clubs where there is three shady ass MOFOs to every one girl, and yes I will even miss edware road (not the creepy men)! I will miss our wine drinking, Sex and the city nights, Portabello Market, I will miss all the guys, the guys (trent especially, cause he ALWAYS walks me home ) that walk me home late at night because they are just that nice Edware road can be creepy   you guys are the best, no one walks me home in LA!  lol, I'll just have to call you when I am walking home alone in LA... 

Anyways As much as I love London, I am ready to go home... see all those I love and miss (you know who you are ) I was debating whether I should take that MTV internship in London for the summer for a long time, and I was really going to, I had a place in Notting hill to stay at and everything... but I miss my family, my friends, and CALIFORNIA!!! lol I will be happy to go home, but so sad To leave my amazing, amazing, amazing, and wonderful friends here!! IF there is one thing I learned from this trip that I will take back with me, its that I don't have time to waste on those people who really aren't my friends... It's my senior year, and I am not going to spread myself thin. I always have in the past, I tried to be friends with everyone, even those I didn't like so much, but I know now, what's the point! I rather Spend all my time and efforts with those I really do love. BEing here, and only getting a limited amount of months to spend with so many amazing people you realize who deserves your time...

Well I guess I should go write my paper if I want to go to hyde park with everyone at 4... awww I am going to miss Hyde park!!!  

I got this from Varun's page, I think it's so funny! I hate Bush so freakin' much!! How could ANYONE vote for a dumbass like him  Sorry for all you Republicans out there... Anyways, Enjoy

Nice Guy?

                       or the Devil's Spawn?

Today something really odd happend to me... well not odd, but it was a realization... I spent all day today with my mom and some family friends. It was a mothers and daughters day. One of the girls was just entering High School... This girl was NOT how I was when I was entering High School, I mean she's really sweet and nice and everything, but -- ok what I am going to say now is going to make me sound like a really old woman-- but how she looked (her makeup, haircut, dye job, clothes, shoes, jewlery) all made her appear to be the same age as me. When I was going into the ninth grade I thought pigtails and overalls were the coolest trends on the entire planet-- ok ok I know, I still think that -- but it's just so weird that as time goes on, it seems that each generation is more eager to grow up quicker than the previous one...

SO that was my first BAM moment of today, the second came from my brother... In the later afternoon my brother called me, he was feeling really upset about something and I could tell he was really sad and really homesick (homesick meaning he missed me and my mom). I talked it out with him and offered my own insights, I was really rational and calm, and offered my opinion and advice. Then after I said what I had to say my brother took a really long pause and then said something that might have been the BEST thing anyone has EVER said to me... He told me how proud he was of me, about how he thinks I've grown up so much, and how it scares him to think that I'm so much smarter and wiser than I use to be, that I'm not just his naive, innocent, stupid little sister anymore-- of course this isn't word for word, he worded it much more graciously -- Like I said before this was prolly one of the best and nicest things anyone has ever said to me. My brother, like a lot of older brothers, has always been one of my toughest critics- always viewing me has a baby, and quick to point out faults no one else would (of course he always did it out of love) SO when I heard this coming from HIM I was amazed...

I realized -- Sorry to get all sappy on you guys -- that people come in and out of our lives -- I sometimes think that there are many people out there who should STILL be in my life, but had to make a quick departure, and then sometimes I think there were and  still are a lot of people in my life that overstayed their welcome and should have maybe never entered my life... But I guess in the end everyone leaves a mark on you, small or big, you are who you are by everything that has happend to you, by everyone you have ever come in contact with, basically by all of your surroundings... 

I've realized that you really cannot change time, but time CAN change you...

OK FIRST something VERY IMPORTANT: I need a female subletter for Winter and Spring Quarter... I am almost most definetly going to London for Winter and Spring, but I can't go if I don't have a subletter, cause there is no way in hell my mom is gonna pay for London and LA rent, lol, but ya, If you know ANY girl who needs a place for these quarters, let me know! It's a really spacious place, furniture included, really close to campus, and cheap compared to other apartments in the UCLA area.. oh yea and they would get to live with three AMAZING girls

Kim and Eric came to visit me today and I realized I have the best high school friends ever, they always make me so happy  Whenever I get fustrated with other friends, or get sick of being at UCLA, they always cheer me up, so YAY to the NUT!! We didn't do much, but it was still a lot of fun... we "mooosied" (Kim's word) down to Westwood, had dinner at Damion and Pythius, shopped a lil' bit, had some Diddy Reese, afterwards we hung out in Starbucks, and then went back to my apartment, all and all a very good day! Thanks to 1/3 of the core and Mr. ELLioT  

P.S. A realization of this week ~ If you're lucky enough to get a really amazing job or internship (like MTV ahem ahem), don't do something stupid like making long distance phone calls to long lost friends in Wisoconsin, EeeeeK, lol, Craaaaazy Shru !